Straddling The Fence...I Think...

Howdy folks! Its been a while but I'm back...at this moment and time I need to clear my mind of some things. I have a fear of relationships now and that's been from past experiences and now since I'm getting older I find myself straddling the fence on being in one. I see couples happy and in love and I want that, but at the same time I am terrified. Its that fear of being hurt and giving your all only to receive shit buckets in the end. I don't know...just sitting thinking to myself could I really deal with an actual, all knowing relationship with someone. Am I able to really deal with trying to make it work? Compromise? Constantly make someone happy through it all? SACRIFICE? Hmmm...saying this is making my stomach turn and I feel all nervous.

How do you know when you're ready for a relationship? What clicks in your mind? Do you just jump up in the morning and be like I WANT A RELATIONSHIP LETS GET IT! LOL! I see people I went to high school with get married and all that. Here I am with no ring no nothing. I sometimes wonder if my chance past me. Then again it hasn't...or at least that's what I try to tell myself. As everyone keeps saying you WILL know...but I guess it will hit you one day. Its like a catch 22...you want to be in a relationship but don't want to deal with the mess but at the same time you don't want to be single and alone. There's only one solution...stay busy. LOL!

R. Kelly Untitled

Well here is the long awaited review of this thing. This is Kels 9th studio album. R. Kelly has been in this business for some 16 years or so and let me tell you the man is still standing. Countless singles, remixes, guest appearances...its like whats next. Well, here we have the album "Untitled" and I will explain to you from my view as to why this is the title...all the songs are like a collection of different creative outlets. There isn't just a ONE theme...its all over the place really. What I am going to do though is give you a little taste of some lyrics to the song and then give my review. Keep in mind its 15 songs so its going to be lengthy. Hope you're ready....

1. Crazy Night feat. R. City

"But if you drinking what I'm drinking put your hands up in the sky/If you're thinking what I'm thinking you'll say what a crazy night."

This song has a club feel to it. I like it though. R. City is a collection of men who are from different caribbean islands who produce and do R&B, Hip-Hop, etc. With R. City on this track he brings that caribbean flavor to it and rides the beat or riddim as West Indies would say. R. Kelly lyrically isn't saying much in this song but the same old I got money and I can do what I want theme. Its cool. I mess with it.

2. Exit

"Now I can't leave this club without you girl/Swear I want more you deserve an encore/Backstage, V.I.P. is jumping/Now its raining won't you come in/Tell me are you with it."

This is song crazy! Why? Cause R. KELLY comes out. What I mean by that is he sings like he did when he drop Born into the 90's album. He is loud and hitting every note. It also reminds you of R&B Thug from the TP2 album as well. I fell in love with the harmony of this joint and I CONSTANTLY put it on repeat. He let it be known that yeah he might do that rap/sing crap like Ignition but I can take it back if need be.

3. Echo

"Now drop your bags pour yourself a drink/I left your next clue by the sink/It should be a box with your name/Open it up see whats inside/Whatever it is put it on/And head to the bedroom."

When I first heard this song on the radio its was a wrap for me. It reminded me of Get Up On A Room/In The Kitchen. Get Up On A Room cause he yodels and In The Kitchen because of the imagery. I am feeling though. Once again letting people know don't sleep. I understand you wanna to hear someone echo. When its been giving to you in such a way, you don't have a choice. LOL! Movin on...

4. Bangin' the Headboard

"(Oh) There's so many things I wanna do to you/(Oh) And there's so many things I want for you/(Oh) On this night I'll make sure you won't regret/What you and me did in this bed."

He makes it cool to get the headboard rocking. You being to bob your head like yeah I hear that! This song starts out sexy and smooth and you really don't expect him to come out with girl will be banging the headboard. It takes you off guard a little bit but after a while you begin to appreciate and just say hey its kels! LOL!

5. Go Low

"For instance you look like food I wanna put you on my plate/Sop you up in some biscuits and go on and eat you baby/Up until you make it rain/Grab my ears and pull my face/Tonight I'll be giving your brains."

I know when you first seen the title you thought oh he is talking about going down. YEP! Thats exactly what he is talking about and he makes references to giving the girl some of his....12 PLAY. This song came from the 12th Play, Fourth Quarter album. How do I know? Cause he says it! Kinda makes you wanna be like he should of drop THAT instead of this album. This song makes a woman be like where's that dude that goes down really well at?! Go low is like 12 Play part 2. He is aggressive but yet very submissive to please the woman.

6. Whole Lotta Kisses

"Gone open up you're legs girl (open up your legs)/All I wanna do is kiss you (I wanna kiss you baby)/Gone open up your legs girl (open up your legs girl)/All I wanna do is tease you and please you (tease you and please you)."

If this isn't 12 Play part 3 I don't know what is. Once again its another song that came from 12th Play, Fourth Quarter album. I do believe this song is one of the most sexy, go down on me songs I have heard in a min. When you think of Whole Lotta Kisses you just assume that he is talking about kissing the body...NOPE! Once again he is being submissive but in a sexy way. It makes you feel his yearn to please the woman in every way. Just thinking about it has me wanting to make a phone call...LOL!

7. Like I Do

"There's only two things in this world that I'm the best at/It's true/Number one is music and baby girl/Number 2 can't nobody work your body out like I do/Like I do/Like I do."

I personally like cocky songs and this is one of them. He basically tells the girl there is a lot of things I can't do and I do make mistakes but its two things I know for sure, without a shadow of doubt. I am quite sure we all felt this way about something we are good at. Kels trigger this in you and if you happen to be a person that knows they rock it in the bedroom, well this is your song. Not only does the beat knock but it will have you showing out the next time you're with the person.

8. Number One feat. Keri Hilson

"This is number one/Sex that we're having here girl ooo/This is, this is, number one/Sex that we're having here girl, ooo."

Do I really have to review this joint here? Wasn't feeling it as a single and still not feeling it in the album. It sounds out of place in the album actually. Just sounds like another typical radio friendly song or Kels trying to hard. Smh...it just gets on my nerves.

9. I Love The DJ

"I don't even know your name/I've never seen you up here before/I love what you do/I'm so into you/Cause I love the DJ."

This song is VERY different for Kels. Kels went outside the box. This song as a slight house music/rave beat. You know, the heart beat pulse. I LOVE IT! It is out the norm for him and it was very unexpected. He pretty much is loving the DJ (which happens to be a female in the song), the way she is scratching the records, looking, and everything. I can totally relate. This is another heavy rotation one for me.

10. Supaman High feat. OJ da Juiceman
"Swag through the club throwing money in the sky/I can't lie Imma ball til I die/Blunts of the good got me supaman high/With the special made chain that has caught your cutie's eye."

Do I? Ugh! I can't stand this joint. If you like a ignorant, hood song in the club, then this song is for you. VERY WACK INDEED! Its another Kels trying to hard. Smh...just stick to what you know Kels.

11. Be My #2

"I could never be your boyfriend/Cause you I got a special girl/And I could never be your husband/But that don't mean that you still don't rock my world."

The title speaks for itself. Once again this is outside the box for him. This has a old school 1970s disco beat. Its another heavy rotation. It makes you wanna get up and dance but lyrically too much is going on. He has a main girl and another on the side. He straight up tells the number 2 girl it could never be a commitment but I love the thrill of it all...SMH. All in all a good vibe!

12. Text Me

"Text me back something freaky/Let me know just how you wanna do me/I'm at my home/Sippin on patr0n/I'm all alone/So baby text it to my phone, yeah."

I can totally relate. In this day and age folks don't talk on the phone anymore. They just text. I have gotten to the point where I would text or talk to you on a instant messenger than talk on the phone. Sad, I know. Imma get better for the New Year. If you're a text head then you'll like this song cause its just for you. Kels makes texting seem like its the right thing to do. Nice smooth beat and freaky lyrics as all ways.

13. Religious

"Its something religious about you ( I wanna testify)/Its something church about you/And I just wanna tell the world that you're my girl."

Now this is the Kels we know. He pretty much gives praise to God and to his girl for being there for him through it all. It has to be God in her because others would have abandoned him. Beautiful lyrics and a Trade In My Life kind of beat. Somewhat churchy to suit the song title. Nice single as well.

14. Elsewhere

"But she'll be going elsewhere/And she'll be lying elsewhere/And she'll be wanted elsewhere/And I'll be somewhere thinking about her."

WOW! He pours his heart out on this one. Had me thinking if this was a song to his now ex wife...hmmm...whether it is or isn't it's a lovely break up song. It will make you sit there and think like damn I gotta get that person back in my life, we can't just give up like this. This song touched me cause I can feel the hurt.

15. Pregnant feat. Tyrese, Robin Thicke, and The-Dream

"Girl you make me wanna get you pregnant/Girl you make me wanna get you pregnant/Lay your body down and get you pregnant/Knock you up (pregnant)/Knock you up."

As sad as these lyrics are Kels REALLY and I mean REALLY makes you feel like running up and getting someone pregnant. He really makes is sexy and live! On top of that you have Tyrese and Robin Thicke with their sultry voices telling you come here girl...LOVELY. The-Dream could have stayed off this joint though but I see why Kels put him in there. Its alright but I know one thing...Tyrese needs to hit the studio again and drop one!

All in all I would give this album a 7.5-8.0. I like all the songs except two and thats very good for me cause it usually don't take much if a album is wack or not. R. Kelly did OK lyrically but he could have done better. He did name the album correctly. This was a mix Kels creativity...not all but just a taste. He should have dropped 12th Play, Fourth Quarter from the sounds of Go Low and Whole Lotta Kisses but maybe that will come later. I think all Kelly is saying is that he is older and no matter what you can't get rid of the King of R&B. I would have to say go ahead and cop that album for your collection.

Its Been A While...

Hello All...

Its been a while since I have written anything. Every time something happens to me I have intentions to write but never get around to it. 12 hours does take its toll on you but I have been going through some things mentally and emotionally (the same right?). So I came to the conclusion that yeah I need to get my gym membership and stop playing and start focusing on my goals and what my dreams and desires are in life. I already got one out the way and that was getting my own car, which I am paying for with NO co-signer, which I might add I feel good when I pay on it every month cause the payments (payoff that is) is getting lower and lower. It puts a smile on my face and I thank God for that blessing. Just have to get everything else up and running. With that said I am going to help myself to another cup of coffee and chill out. I will come back with details on whats going on with my life and other things around me...OH YEAH!! Almost forgot John Allen Muhammad, the DC Sniper has been executed. He was pronounced dead at 9:11pm on November 10th...for military folk the time is 21:11 LOL! Peace and Blessings!!!

True Happiness

Good afternoon all,
Yeah I know its been a min but I had to take some time out and get "me" situated. I have been depressed and not happy with myself for like the past month or so. I have been having issues at work and dealing with my mom being diagnosed with Breast Cancer. Yes, I was very shocked and asked the humiliating-selfish questions that EVERYONE asks to themselves "Why me?", "Why my family?", and "Why MY mother?". If you ever gone through something you have asked yourself one if not all these questions at one point and time in your life. After going with her to her surgeries and making sure she is comfortable, going to work, paying bills, etc., I just became down and out. I lost my focus and was getting caught up in the mess at work that was dealing with me. I would go to church looking for a Word for me and became dissatisfied because there wasn't one.

It was until recently that I heard Fred Hammond's new song "They That Wait" is when I got a new awakening. I began talking to someone at work about my problems especially in the work place and my co-worker began telling me how the same very people ridiculed me and talked about me behind my back were the same ones that did it to her. I couldn't believe it! I was in disbelief. Then I invited her to bible study and if as if God was all up in her and I's conversation LOL! Bible study talked about trials and temptations and the difference between the two. I just couldn't believe it. Then as I was going to work I began to noticed the beauty in God everywhere. All the mess that's going on with the government and what they are trying to do to us, everything that I have been seeing that being completed in the Book of Revelation, so many people coming to God cause they have nowhere else to go, it was as if God was saying "be happy through out, its going to be ok." God knows and everything that was putting fear in me and making me depressed and weary and question things came through this one revelation (epiphany or however you want to call it).

I have to always remember as a child of God I am protected. As long as the Holy Spirit lives inside of me I am protected. Whatever happens to me whether its through health or whatever the cause maybe I am protected. I am so happy and I can feel it in my soul!!! In whatever you are going through, whatever mistakes you may have made, whatever trials God is taking you through, try to remember to count it all joy. Its a purpose in EVERYTHING that happens to you...its a realization of something God needs for you to have in your life to fulfill your purpose. Hope this blog finds you well. Until next time...

Agitated, amongst other things...

Have you ever had a period in your life where you were just real agitated about some things? That's how I have been feeling lately. I don't want to be bothered by people, I don't wanna be around people. I just wanna be by myself but at the same time I want to be around only ONE person cause I know that person WILL make me feel like how I am suppose to. Maybe I am feeling this way because it has been 2 months and some change since I have had sex...you know built up sex. I am dealing with dumb shit at work that unnecessary. Its like the more I try to be friendly and speak to people to show that I am not a bad fucking person the more hatred comes my way. I feel like going to work and talking to no one...then once I do that I have a problem, right? Bills are getting on my nerves...it seems like I can't even make a dent in my student loans...I am beginning to crush my car payments though off top. I gave them more then they were asking as well as the student loans, but the student loans are on some bullshit...but I digress from that issue. Sprint hit me with the okie doke and I have until the 19th of September to come up with with money for a new phone, new plan, and a new wireless provider. The dilemma I am having is the phone I want is $300 and some change but the plan is cheap and affordable for one wireless provider, the other provider has a cheap phone I like for like $200 and some change but their plan is higher and some what affordable...WAS trying to get my phone bought by someone else but that isn't going to happen...I really don't feel like getting into that one...ANYWAYZ and on top of it all my mother and her medical situation that I am dealing with...its like everything is hitting me at once and I am backed into a corner...no hands stretching out, no advice from others, no nothing. ONCE AGAIN I am by myself...its like I always said I am ALWAYS there but when its my turn can't find shit! SMH!!

I actually take that back...I have had people ask bout my mom and how she was doing and everything but the ONLY person that I can recall was my boo. He was constantly asking me how I was doing and everything and he was OUT OF THE COUNTRY...smh yeah I know sad but very true. I really miss him right now...that has got to be my problem...I don't know I am just confused on alot and I feel like I don't have time...hopefully something with break through in a matter of time...

What A Day!!!

You know today was pretty crazy! First of I wouldn't have thought I would be blogging about this but hey, this is a venting session for me. Like I said today was a crazy ass day! It has all started from yesterday when I received a funky ass letter from Sprint telling me they ARE going to terminate my account. Why you ask? Sprint DECIDED to call me one day and say , "hey we keep seeing that you are going over BECAUSE you are roaming so why don't we suggest the UNLIMITED plan." Ok, that's fine but NOW they are hitting me with you keep going over the roaming minutes on your unlimited plan....WTF? Yeah, I know some BULLSHIT! So, today I was bill paying and wireless provider shopping when I went to go pay insurance and the amount was higher due the the fact they decided to add late fees ALL OF A SUDDEN, that pissed me off. Then I was on my way home and got into a FUCKING accident cause I wasn't paying attention with all the bullshit on my mind. Smh...yeah so I called my insurance about the accident, got chewed out by my sweety (yeah he was hot with me), and then I went to sleep...

So, now I am sitting here thinking of what to do with the rest of my evening. I am contemplating on going to a party my job is throwing. I need to wash my hair too...FUCK IT, I need to relax my mind...I think Imma go ahead and go to the joint and just let the stress loose...well, thanks for listening ya'll or should I say reading lol...until next time...

Oh yeah...follow me and I'll follow you...

Sincere Or Not?

I just finished watching Chris Brown's apology and um...I really don't know what to think. Looking at this vid he comes off like he doesn't want to do it...more like he is being forced. He doesn't look at the camera and he just sits there and reads. Now the pics from the court hearing looked more sincere and regretful then he did in this apology vid. But who is to say he isn't sincere. It is more than one way to look at the vid...

You could look at it and say...
1. Yeah he is for real. Forgive him and hope he comes out with a hot banger in the near future.

2. Uhhhh...he looks like it but you want a more "from the heart" apology. You know, one that isn't rehearsed and it is off the top of his head. Just come out with his true feelings to Rihanna and his fans.

3. He is bullshitting! Probably his PR people are making him say something so he won't look like a total asshole.

Some might say he should have apologized way before now. Maybe during the court proceedings or right before...in other words pulled a T.I. and just been real with it and said hey, I fucked up please forgive me, I am human with a problem that I am seeking help for. We ARE human and we do make mistakes and it seems so hard for folk to forgive depending on the degree of the mistake. Chris Brown and Rihanna are a young couple and probably if at all didn't know how to deal with certain issues in their relationship.

Don't get me wrong I am not defending Chris Brown. He is wrong for what he did, and I am glad he came out with an apology for it. Hopefully this vid with let a lot of things go and we can get back to the important things in life. He apologized, now go buy his records and let him live. LOL! To me...it seems like he might be sincere with it but I think he should have come at it from his own words and not something written for him to "sound good". You can sound good with a heartfelt, no rehearsed apology and still get the forgiveness needed. My thing is as long as he asked Rihanna and God for forgiveness and they forgave him, then he straight with me.

Until next time her is a clip...oh and read my homies' blog about it whenever she posts...
http://www.worldstarhiphop.com/videos/video.php?v=wshhMvCi1v1G2kT5r4LU