Straddling The Fence...I Think...

Howdy folks! Its been a while but I'm back...at this moment and time I need to clear my mind of some things. I have a fear of relationships now and that's been from past experiences and now since I'm getting older I find myself straddling the fence on being in one. I see couples happy and in love and I want that, but at the same time I am terrified. Its that fear of being hurt and giving your all only to receive shit buckets in the end. I don't know...just sitting thinking to myself could I really deal with an actual, all knowing relationship with someone. Am I able to really deal with trying to make it work? Compromise? Constantly make someone happy through it all? SACRIFICE? Hmmm...saying this is making my stomach turn and I feel all nervous.

How do you know when you're ready for a relationship? What clicks in your mind? Do you just jump up in the morning and be like I WANT A RELATIONSHIP LETS GET IT! LOL! I see people I went to high school with get married and all that. Here I am with no ring no nothing. I sometimes wonder if my chance past me. Then again it hasn't...or at least that's what I try to tell myself. As everyone keeps saying you WILL know...but I guess it will hit you one day. Its like a catch 22...you want to be in a relationship but don't want to deal with the mess but at the same time you don't want to be single and alone. There's only one solution...stay busy. LOL!